I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
