My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
