She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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