i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
