her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sacagawea was the original milf.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
