His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
