I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
