TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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