Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
