guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
