If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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