you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
