There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I color on your dick again?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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