I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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