I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
