I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
