Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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