Pregnant stripper...not hot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I touched a dick in church today
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
