I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
