he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
