Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
