The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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