woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want nice things and good sex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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