I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
