His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
