I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
