Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
