I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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