Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
