It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
