I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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