Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
