Your dad touched me again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
