I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
