You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
