I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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