Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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