He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Vodka?
Forever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
