just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
