your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh god the rape fog is back!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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