Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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