For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
