Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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