i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
