if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
