I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
