I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
