The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
