hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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