they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
