you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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